Tips for Parents of LGBTQ2S+ Youth

My child just came out: tips for parents of LGBTQ2S+ youth

While some people are rooted in their sexual and gender identity without a second thought, for others it can be a lifelong journey of self-discovery. In many cases, the first person a child will come out to is someone they trust and love.

If your kid has expressed to you that they are a member of the LGBTQ2S+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, two spirit) community, remember that this is a new territory for both of you but it doesn’t need to redefine your relationship as parent and child. In fact, it is an opportunity for you to further strengthen your relationship with them by showing your unconditional love.

1. Remind them how much you love them

The act of coming out is one of utmost trust and bravery. The way you react will set the tone for your relationship moving forward. It’s important to reaffirm that your child’s gender identity or sexuality does not affect how you feel about them. Remind them in this vulnerable time that you love them no matter what and will support them the best way you can.

2. Ask questions

This is uncharted territory for you as a parent so it’s normal to have questions. Asking your child genuine and respectful questions will show that you are interested in supporting them, as opposed to pretending the conversation just didn’t happen. You might ask “Is there anything I can do as your dad to help you feel more supported?” or say “I’m having trouble understanding, can you explain it to me so I can help support you better?”

3. Look up resources

The good news is that there are so many different resources and support groups for both you and your child. Parent-focused resources can help you understand and respond to challenges that lay ahead. Child-focused resources can help your child better understand themselves.

4. Actively show your support

It’s one thing to say you support your child, but actions speak the loudest. This means advocating for them when they face adversity, or having a zero-tolerance policy for derogatory language. It could also mean attending events like a support group or Pride together, to show that you actively want to be involved in this element of their life.

5. Monitor their mental health

A national study that looks at the mental health of LGBTQTS+ youth reported that 71% of LGBTQ youth reported feeling sad or hopeless for at least two weeks in the past year. As the parent, you know your child best. Look for signs of depression or suicidal thoughts including changing of behaviour, and talk of suicide and speak with your doctor if you are concerned.

6. Help your child find a support group

As much as you want to help, there is only so much you can do or say as a parent. Find your child a support group of their peers so they can share experiences and connect with other kids who understand them and what they’re going through. There are also many groups for parents of LGBTQ2S+ youth as well that can help you and your family navigate the challenges ahead.