Setting boundaries in any relationship can be hard, but gets easier with practice. Read our 5 step guide to getting started with boundary-setting.
Do you ever feel emotionally drained, guilty, or anxious in your relationships? Feeling obligated to do certain things to make sure you don’t upset the people in your life? Recurring feelings like this, within relationships, could be an indication of a lack of boundaries.
It’s not easy to say no to people, especially if you feel like they’re dependent on you in some way, but it is essential to protect your own well-being. If you keep pouring from an empty cup, you won’t have anything left to give them, or more importantly yourself.
Understanding your boundaries and how to communicate them is a skill that takes practice.
5 Steps to Setting Boundaries in Your Relationships
Boundaries are different for everyone and are contingent on what you have the capacity for and what you are comfortable with. Setting boundaries has three phases: self-reflection, communicating and enforcing them.
Step 1: Understand Your Rights, Values, and Needs
Setting boundaries for yourself is a broad spectrum that is impacted by your values and personal life experiences. You can start by reflecting on your rights, values, and needs. Try asking yourself the following:
“What are my rights in this relationship?”
“What are my values and their presence in this relationship?”
“What are my needs and how can they be met?”
Step 2: Communicate Your Boundaries
Possibly the hardest part comes next, communicating your boundaries to people. It’s normal to be afraid to say no or tell someone you are uncomfortable with their actions, but people who truly value and respect you will also value and respect your boundaries.
To facilitate the best outcomes from these conversations, communicating your boundaries with “I statements” encourages positive and compassionate dialogue, while avoiding putting blame on the person. Here’s a template to try:
“I feel _____ when ________ because _______________. I would appreciate it if going forward ___________________________.”
Step 3: Learn to Say No
A lot of us struggle to say ‘no’. But saying no is important to respect your own space and time. Though easier said than done, you don’t owe anyone else your time and it’s important to take time for yourself when you need it.
Saying no can be expressed in different ways, it can be “I would love to come to dinner with you, but I need tonight to recharge and be alone, let’s try for next weekend!” or “Sorry I can’t help with that project, I need to spend time with my family, but I’m happy to help at work on Monday!”
Step 4: Get Support
It can sometimes be tricky to set restrictions if the loved one you are setting boundaries with has a mental illness. Talking to a mental health professional is a great resource to guide you through setting boundaries that are considerate of the other person and their needs.
Step 5: Respecting Others Boundaries
On the other hand, learning to respond to and respect boundaries is a skill. When someone communicates their boundaries to you, remember it’s not personal. In fact, boundaries often have everything to do with the person communicating them. They are about how individuals want to be treated and are deeper than common respect and values; you can’t always know them without being told.
Start Setting Boundaries for Your Well-being
Working on boundaries takes time and practice, but they will help you find more energy and value in your relationships. Start practicing with our 5 tips!
If you need guidance getting started with boundary-setting, chat with our iHealthOX Care Team to get support.
Sources:
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/healthy-boundaries.htm
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#intro
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